FUCK EVERYONE.

I HATE EVERYONE.

yesterday was supposed to be a FUN day. i was supposed to have fun at disneyland with my two best friends. but of course, the subject of "twilight" came up, and it made me sick as always. they even teased me about it. they said, "let's tape her eyelids open and make her watch "new moon" when we get home!" IT'S NOT A JOKE TO ME.

in the car, the subject came up again. i said, "god, i seriously can't STAND those books...i think it's seriously a problem. i need a doctor." i was partially joking, but my best friend said, "yeah... you seriously do."

and when we got home, they started talking more about those horrid books/films. finally, i started crying. i spilled out everything:

"the weirdest people at our school have boyfriends!! the ugliest, meanest, stupidest, sluttiest, and/or most annoying people at our school ALL have boyfriends. yet somehow, I DON'T! i just don't get it. i think the reason i hate twilight so much is because it's a love story, and i feel as though i'll never have that."

my BEST friend was completely silent. my other best friend (the logical mom-type) coached me through it. she says,

"that sounds like depression to me. i think the "twilight" thing is an OCD thing. i think you need to talk to your mom about it and maybe see a doctor. just have a conversation with mom about it because she needs to be worried cause you're not happy. and if you can't figure things out, maybe you should get that checked out."

the silent friend remained silent and even sounded mad the rest of the night. i say, "are you okay?" she says, "yeah...are YOU okay?" and i say, "yeah...you sound mad." she says, "no." quietly.

they fall asleep, i stay up unable to sleep for hours. i cry constantly. the next morning, i feel better. i feel fine. but my friends now know things that i never wanted them to.

WHY AM I SO STUPID?? WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING. now they're gonna tell everyone else and everyone will think that i like attention. great.

I HATE YOU.